Why You’re Always in a Hurry - and How to Slow Down
“I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.”—“I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why)” by Alabama
One of the hallmarks of an overactive, overstressed nervous system is always feeling rushed, never feeling like there is enough time, and having great difficulty slowing down. The 1992 song “I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why)” by Alabama is an expression of this shared experience of rushing from one event to another without ever enjoying any of them. In the song, the narrator explores the confusion around this incessant drive to scramble from one moment of life to the next. There is a reason, though, why many of us find ourselves in this constant state of pressing through what we believe “must” be accomplished.
Nervous system states refer to the collective state of our body, mind, and emotions. There are two main nervous system states involved in our drive to move quickly from one item to the next: the ventral vagal and sympathetic states. The ventral vagal state can be thought of as our safety and connection nervous system state. When in this state, our body and muscles are relaxed. The mind is like a calm lake. We are curious and open to others. We feel grounded and connected to the world around us and the people in it.
The sympathetic nervous system state is associated with our fight-or-flight response. This state is ultimately needed to help us avoid danger and have the energy to accomplish tasks that require immediate attention. When the sympathetic nervous system becomes chronically activated, however, it can contribute to difficulties with nervous system regulation and emotion regulation (Corrigan et al., 2011). When in this state, the body can vary widely from holding tension and stress to having an elevated heart rate and rapid breathing. The mind can feel very chaotic or even narrow to a single focus without the ability to fully take in new information. Emotions can range from irritability and frustration to anxiety and panic.
There are several contributing factors to a person getting stuck in a fight-or-flight state, which may help explain why someone is constantly rushing from one moment of life to the next. Past traumatic experiences can be a major contributor to putting the nervous system into overdrive. For some people, after a very difficult experience, the nervous system can continue to feel on high alert even though the threat has passed. Trauma and prolonged stress can contribute to patterns of hyperarousal, hypervigilance, and difficulty staying within a manageable emotional and physiological state (Corrigan et al., 2011).
Stuck and unprocessed memories can continue to feel very fresh and emotionally charged. This can cause a person to become hypervigilant and have great difficulty slowing down. They may feel as if “something bad is going to happen” if they do not focus all of their energy on staying one step ahead. From an EMDR therapy perspective, present-day reactions can sometimes remain connected to past experiences that have not been fully processed. EMDR has been extensively studied as a treatment for posttraumatic stress disorder and other trauma-related symptoms (Wright et al., 2024).
Perfectionism is another driving factor behind constantly being on the go. Often, there is an underlying fear of “I’m not good enough” that permeates every aspect of a person’s life. When nothing is ever good enough, nothing ever feels done—or it never feels done well enough. It must be perfect. Because perfection is nearly impossible to achieve, it can feel as if the work is never done. There is no time for rest, for stopping, or for enjoying the moment.
These perfectionistic tendencies may also be tied to earlier difficult or unprocessed experiences. These memories may not be consciously present every day but can continue to influence emotions, beliefs, and behavioral patterns, including feelings of never being good enough. Difficulties with emotion regulation can then reinforce the cycle: uncomfortable emotions create an urge to do more, move faster, or regain a sense of control.
Self-Help Options
There are simple way to start retraining the mind and nervous system to access a greater sense of connection and safety. Developing a mindfulness practice is one way to begin strengthening awareness and emotion regulation. Mindfulness is also a core skill in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), an evidence-based treatment approach that teaches practical skills for mindfulness, emotion regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness. Research has also examined the use of DBT skills for emotion regulation difficulties across different mental health concerns (Neacsiu et al., 2014).
The Stopping mindfulness practice aims to create intentional pauses during the day. During these pauses, the intention is to simply stop all goal-directed activity. It is about sitting without anything to do. It is about becoming present to the world around you.
In Wherever You Go, There You Are: Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life, Jon Kabat-Zinn discusses shifting from a state of constantly doing into a state of simply being (Kabat-Zinn, 1994). This is the main principle behind applying the Stopping mindfulness practice.
Here are simple instructions for completing this Stopping mindfulness practice:
Find a quiet place to sit, either in a chair or on the floor. Set a timer for five minutes.
Start by imagining a mental switch. On one side, it says Doing, and on the other, it says Being. See this switch shift from Doing to Being.
Begin to notice your surroundings. Look around and take in everything you hear, see, smell, and feel. See if you can become aware of something you have not noticed in a while.
Notice whether your mind feels the urge to hurry the practice along. Do not judge this urge. It has likely developed through a long series of experiences and learned patterns. Simply notice it, and then return your attention to your surroundings.
Practice once per day. Increase to 10 minutes after the first week.
You may also consider listening to the song referenced above to help you get into the spirit of this practice. There is also a cover by Jessica Lea Mayfield that I prefer.
Professional Help
Sometimes, slowing down is not as simple as reminding yourself to relax. When chronic stress, trauma, anxiety, perfectionism, or difficulty with emotion regulation has kept your nervous system in a constant state of high alert, you may need more than self-help strategies to change the underlying pattern.
At Acorn Mental Health, we provide virtual therapy for adults in Maryland and Delaware who are struggling with trauma, chronic stress, grief, anxiety, overwhelming emotions, and patterns that can feel difficult to change on their own. Treatment may include Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) approaches, depending on your individual needs.
EMDR therapy can help address distressing or unprocessed experiences that may continue to influence present-day emotions, beliefs, body sensations, and nervous system responses. Rather than simply trying to convince yourself that you are safe or that you should slow down, EMDR therapy aims to address experiences that may be contributing to the ongoing sense that you need to remain alert, productive, or one step ahead. Research supports EMDR as an effective trauma-focused treatment for PTSD, with outcomes comparable to other established psychological treatments for PTSD (Wright et al., 2024).
DBT focuses on developing practical skills for emotion regulation, mindfulness, distress tolerance, and healthier relationships. These skills can be particularly helpful when emotions feel overwhelming, it is difficult to slow down, or stress quickly leads to impulsive reactions, avoidance, or feeling out of control. DBT skills have also been studied as a treatment for broader difficulties with emotion regulation, including among adults experiencing anxiety and depression (Neacsiu et al., 2014).
For some people, treatment may involve learning DBT and mindfulness skills to better regulate emotions and the nervous system while also using EMDR therapy to address the past experiences that continue to drive present-day reactions.
If you live in Maryland or Delaware and feel like you are always rushing, constantly on edge, overwhelmed by emotions, or unable to truly relax even when there is nothing you need to be doing, therapy may help you understand what is driving the pattern and begin to change it.
References
Corrigan, F. M., Fisher, J. J., & Nutt, D. J. (2011). Autonomic dysregulation and the window of tolerance model of the effects of complex emotional trauma. Journal of Psychopharmacology, 25(1), 17–25. https://doi.org/10.1177/0269881109354930
Kabat-Zinn, J. (1994). Wherever you go, there you are: Mindfulness meditation in everyday life. Hachette Books.
Neacsiu, A. D., Eberle, J. W., Kramer, R., Wiesmann, T., & Linehan, M. M. (2014). Dialectical behavior therapy skills for transdiagnostic emotion dysregulation: A pilot randomized controlled trial. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 59, 40–51. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.brat.2014.05.005
Wright, S. L., Karyotaki, E., Cuijpers, P., Bisson, J., Papola, D., Witteveen, A., Suliman, S., Spies, G., Ahmadi, K., Capezzani, L., Carletto, S., Karatzias, T., Kullack, C., Laugharne, J., Lee, C. W., Nijdam, M. J., Olff, M., Ostacoli, L., Seedat, S., & Sijbrandij, M. (2024). EMDR v. other psychological therapies for PTSD: A systematic review and individual participant data meta-analysis. Psychological Medicine, 54(8), 1580–1588. https://doi.org/10.1017/S0033291723003446
